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May 24, 2019

The time I wanted to take down a nurse.

Well, I'd put off my colonoscopy as long as I possibly could. My Dr. was not having any more of my shenanigans, so I finally went to see a suggested gastrologist. I chose a female Dr; I always choose a woman if the circumstances are involving any (or near) my lady parts. Call me crazy, but I'm more comfortable with someone who has similar parts as I do

The pre-op exam was good, the Dr. was pleasant. I was able to schedule my appointment within a week and there was no turning back now. I was given a RX for the prep part. This is a newer one that is being used and I was kind of the guinea pig for my Dr.
Clenpiq
It was all straight forward. I was scheduled for Tuesday morning, so I began my fasting on Monday morning and had the clenpiq at 2pm and 8pm along with tons of water, juice, tea, flavored water, ginger ale, jello and ice pops. The jello and Ice pops were lifesavers and I almost felt like I was having food. Almost.




I stayed home all day. (you'll be very friendly with your commode!) I did a lot of busy stuff to keep my mind off food for most of the day and then I watched some TV later on. At one point I saw a dog food commercial and I thought: "wow, I bet that tastes good"

I did survive. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I'm the type of person whose personality changes (and not for the better) when I'm hungry. I become cranky and lash out at anyone and everyone.
I'd never make it as a homeless person.

The morning of Coach drove me to the appointment. I'd already placed my order with him for an egg sandwich and coffee from Einsteins when he picked me up.

While in the reception area, I used the ladies room one more time to empty my bladder,  even though I'd not had any liquids since 11 the night before.

Then, the nurse/assistant calls me into the pre-op area. Carlos looks over my chart and asks if I'm still having my menstrual cycle or if I'm in menopause. Sadly, I'm still dealing with it. He then said, "Oh, you'll have to give me some urine for a pregnancy test." 
I kind of made a face and said, I might NOT be able to since I just emptied my bladder.
He said he needed only a few drops and for me to just try.
As I'm shutting the door to the restroom I hear another nurse say to him: "Well if someone is having anesthesia, they should ALWAYS know to have a pregnancy test, it goes without saying!" 

I was PISSED!!
HOW DARE SHE? Doesn't she know I'm hangry! 
I'm tired and I'm not thinking about possibly being pregnant at 51!

I was able to produce a small amount, I walked out and handed it to my nurse Carlos and was ready to let the other lady have it, but she was with a patient and I held it in.

As Carlos is taking my blood pressure and my pulse, he asks if I'm nervous because the darn machine was losing it's mind. I told him, I wasn't nervous, but I was PISSED at the other nurse because I heard what she said while I was in the bathroom.
He assured me that she wasn't complaining about me, but she was angry with the receptionist who checked me in, it was her responsibility to let me know I'd need to have a pregnancy test.

Oh.
Gotcha.

Within a minute my heart rate and blood pressure went down and the machine didn't sound like a carnival on Saturday night.

Carlos finished all his questions and next was the Nurse anesthetist; he had a hundred questions for me as well, then he told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.
Me: "This is my first time but I don't think this is how you do it"
I thought he was going to wet his pants.
He then proceeded to tell me I have the biggest set of tonsils he's seen in a long time. He said I had a really nice pair.

Me: "Well, thank you."

You gotta take compliments wherever you can get them. 

I felt fine the rest of the day and everything I ate tasted just a little bit better after not eating for 36 hours. That was a record for me.
Quite possibly the best-tasting Sammy ever. 

I don't have to do this again until I'm 60, but you know I'll try to put it off as long as possible.


6 comments:

George said...

I can give you a bit of good news. Since I'm over 75 I don't have to have any more routine colonoscopies. I'm glad you survived your first one, and I'm sure that sandwich was one of the most delicious meals you've ever had.

Michelle said...

I need to schedule one and I am dreading it! I don't even mind the prep, but I always hate being put under. Glad yours went well.

Laurel Wood said...

LOL! I knew this story would be good. I'm so old that the first colonoscopy I had at age 28 (I have IBS) was done while I was awake!!!!!!! Painful!
Glad it is over for you!

Gigi said...

Oh that drives me crazy! WHY can't the receptionist give ALL the info up front? Why? I have been trying to donate a freezer to Habitat for Humanity. Last week, when I called, I was told that it had to be plugged in and that it needed to work. So I did that. I called back again yesterday to tell them it worked. And was asked if it had any rust - yes, just a few small spots. Oh, well we can't take it then. Why didn't you tell me that LAST week!? She did give me the name of someone who will pick it up for recycling though.

And yeah - you've just reminded me of all those doctor's appointments I NEED to make.

Billie Jo said...

I have a hard enough time peeing on demand when my bladder is FULL!
Glad it is over and done with for you.
Thanks for the tip.
I will remember that next fall!

NCmountainwoman said...

The prep has improved since I had my first colonoscopy. Back then we had to drink a GALLON of solution called GoLightly. It had a metallic taste so you could add sugar-free Crystal Light. And for five days before the procedure you could not have popcorn, nuts, or anything with seeds. Fruit had to be peeled and veggies had to be cooked. No granola or high-fiber foods or supplements. And after the prep had "cleansed" your colon, you had to have a Fleet enema.

The next time there were fewer restrictions and the prep solutions were smaller. And no enema.