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June 19, 2015

TGIF~Laughing is way better than crying

I'm going to try and get back into my blogging routine. *TRY*
Did you know that I really blogged for my Mom? 
With her living in GA and my living in FL it was a great way to keep her updated. 
Mom making Thanksgiving gravy...geeze, now I have to figure out how to do this!
She loved reading my words and of course enjoyed all of your comments as well. Hopefully she has a good internet connection and can continue enjoying my nonsense.

Mom watching the 'after Thanksgiving football' game where someone would surely be injured.
So....being a silly person who comes from a silly family, there were a few silly moments in the last days of turmoil.

***
We made the decision to move my Mom to hospice on Tuesday June 9th. I thought I was going to have to shank her oncologist as he was still wanting to do more procedures to/on her; but I knew better. She was out of her mind in pain. {everyone NEEDS an advocate!}
It took a few hours, but we finally got her into a beautiful hospice facility. The head nurse on duty there told us that sometimes it helps if you 'tell' your person that it's ok to let go; to give up, to move on.

My Aunt Trisha went outside to make some phone calls and I had a few minutes with my Mom. 
I told her all the important stuff and said that it was ok if she was ready to 'leave us'. (she was heavily sedated)
Trisha came back in and I told her that I had the 'talk'.
Trisha said:  "Coach and the girls won't be here until late tonight; don't you want them to be able to see her?" 
Me: "Oh, Mom, erase, erase....I take it back, never mind!!" 

***
Again....she was always working to feed the rest of us!


My mom passed away very early on Thursday morning. My Aunt had spent the night with her at the hospice facility and came home later that morning. (I was with her the night before)
That afternoon, my Aunt Trisha was bent over with her head in the freezer looking for something, when she heard behind her my voice saying: "Do you know where my Mom is?"
She turned around with a shocked face, wondering if I'd lost my marbles....then realized it was Lindsay looking for me.
We had a good chuckle about that.
***
Suz, Aunt Trisha, Bev/mom and Linds-Thanksgiving 2013

The next evening, we went to visit my Cuz Patrick at his home and to give him the 'news'. We were having a lovely family moment on Patrick's front porch when all of a sudden SIRI (iPhone lady) spoke loudly from my Aunts Purse: "Beverly, I don't understand what you're saying."
We all broke out into laughter at the timing of this. (Aunt Trisha had my Mom's phone in her purse and apparently was inadvertently pushing SiRi's button)

***
Thanksgiving 2014....seriously, when she was here, she was in the kitchen!

I'm getting through this. 
Day by day. 

I really want to thank all of you for your kind words, comments, emails, text messages. I'm really feeling the love. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful group of friends (virtual and down the street) as well as my people. My people are the best people. 
I keep telling everyone that I'm doing well. And I really am. I'll miss my Mom forever and ever....but honestly we were in such a good place. I have NO regrets regarding our relationship. We loved each other (warts and all) and I know that I did everything I could possibly do to help her fight this horrid disease. My Mother was my BIGGEST cheerleader. 
Plus, I'll see her again one day. Until then, she can soak up the joy of my brother Mark.


21 comments:

Lynda said...

You are absolutely right that patients need an advocate. Doctors are trained to keep fighting an illness and don't like to lose to it. However family members are the ones who see what really happens minute by minute. We had to make some of those decisions with my mom, too. I have heard Hospice is great - - - haven't experienced them yet but am sure I will with someone I love before leaving Earth.
Funny stuff about the "voices". We had an experience when my mom was in the hospital and not "bouncing back". Family had been on alert more than once -- - so extended family came for one "last" visit. She and I looked almost like twins (20 years apart). When I went out to greet some of the elderly cousins who were in the hallway, one male cousin turned white and almost passed out. He thought she was gone and I was her ghost walking down the floor as she was leaving! Good thing we were on the Cardiac Unit cuz they almost had another patient!
So thankful you will still blog and so thankful for the wonderful memories you have.

George said...

It sounds as if you have the most perfect memories of your mother. Cherish them and keep on blogging. I know she's looking over your shoulder, but we also enjoy your 'adventures'.

NCmountainwoman said...

So wonderful that all of you can find some humor in this tragedy. That's what keeps our souls going.

And yes, Beverly now has the best connection ever.

Tanya Breese said...

oh i am so very sorry that she is gone but i love that you can laugh through the hardest of times...i really want to be in your family! my husband's mom passed away a few months ago. she was still living in san diego and they weren't very close, his decision. well, i get a facebook message one morning from his sister telling me that their mom had passed away so i was given the fun job of telling him the news. i knew even if they weren't close it would still be hard to hear...well on this day he wasn't feeling good and was at work already so i waited for him to come home so i could tell him...then i can't remember what happened but i just didn't think the time was right so i waited till the next day, but then didn't want to tell him first thing in the morning so was going to wait till he got off work...here i'm thinking "jeez, his mom will be gone for a month before i get the chance to tell him" so then his sister decides to call him later that day and told him...she didn't tell him that she told me so he called me to tell me the news and i acted all surprised and asked "what happened?" which was an ok question since i really didn't know the facts...he started telling me then i felt horrible since i already knew she had passed so i started babbling "i'm so sorry, i already knew because your sister told me yesterday but i never knew when to tell you" he was all "that's ok" later all of us laughed, our kids included because everyone in my house knows how terrible i am about delivering bad news...it was kind of funny...anyways, sending you and your family hugs and prayers...your mom looks like such a sweet woman that everyone would love...i'm sorry <3

Anke said...

I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I am so so glad you have so many happy memories of you mom. Hugs...

Anonymous said...

Hello sweet friend, Good to see you hear. Your Mom would be proud of you. It's those funny moments that get us past the tough times. I know what a great relationship you two had; I know you did everything possible for her. It was just time for her to go. We don't always understand God's timing but we trust it. These are happy photos of your beautiful Mom. She will always be in your heart, especially at holiday time. She would want you to keep your chin up and look forward to all that is to come. As you say, your people and all of us friends are here to keep you on track on the days that are hard. Love you much!

TexWisGirl said...

you had some good laughs to relieve the pain and stress. and good family. :)

Beth Cotell said...

Prayers for you all.

Beth Cotell said...

Prayers for you all.

ChiTown Girl said...

I love you.

Susan said...

Suzanne your mother must've been absolutely awesome, because you are such a lovely person.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

Oh gosh, there was at Thanksgiving, just a few months ago, with the greatest GREATEST smile. I am so sad for the news of your mother, but what a charming memorial post.

Claudia from Idiot's Kitchen said...

You are awesome. I'm glad you have your people too. Part of the reason they're so good is that they came from you and you came from Beverly. Loved seeing these photos. Now I think I'll go call my mom. :) xoxo

Dawn said...

laughing is ALWAYS better :) you are right. i just love all of these great pictures... memories. and the funny stuff. i am SO thankful there was funny stuff. i can never ever take out a dinner doctor or cake doctor cookbook without thinking of your mama... she taught me about those way back at someone's birthday! i always loved when she came to visit...

Pam said...

I'm glad you had these giggles in the midst of all the hard stuff. We have had those giggle moments too...sometimes outsiders wouldn't understand how you could think of it as a funny moment, but they are ! We had a power outage at the funeral home when we were going to our son's viewing. So we just stood there with our hands on the door knob to go in the room and said 'ya know, I think we will just wait this out in the hallway'. Who wants a power out at a funeral home? Not this girl. LOL But in all seriousness...I am so thankful you were her advocate and that you were in a great place when she passed. I know you will miss her like crazy. Sounds like she was a hoot. On another note..I am glad my mom taught me to make Thanksgiving dressing. I would have never figured it out on my own until I saw Paula Deen making it one day and then I knew my mom was way ahead of her time. :) Hugs and love and prayers, sweet friend!

Anonymous said...

Oh sweet girl!!! I've been away. I'm SO SO SO SO sorry.... I am in the process of transitioning my mom to come and live with us and it's been a less than great process. Thank you for this post. It's beautiful and it takes me back to why. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so happy you have funny... Love to you and your family!

Brenda Pruitt said...

I just happened upon your blog for the first time a few minutes ago. I read your post about your mom. It was so great that you put humor in there. She looks like a lady who loved fun and laughter. I think she would appreciate your carrying that on.
Brenda

Unknown said...

You are a beautiful, shining light, Suz; thank you for sharing the reality of this journey here. We love reading about your thoughts and activities just as much as your mom did, so please don't stop now!

Your mom's light/energy is now out of her body and unlimited. I predict that you are going to see/hear it in unexpected ways. The Siri thing is just one example - your mom is going to have so much fun with her sense of humor and love, freed from bodily limitations! Be on the lookout for Beverly messages. How perfectly lovely to think that she is with your brother now, and of course, we'll all be joining them by and by...

Sending much love to you.

Unknown said...

I love her happy smile. I love that she loved your funny stories. And she made you : ). And she loved you the very best she could. I am so thankful that you were by her side as she passed. When Mr. Adams died this year, it was such a hard process. It is difficult to see the people you love in so much pain. God bless you, Suz. I will be praying, praying, praying. Love, Becky

Jennifer Denise Ouellette said...

I am so glad you made that decision for her--I almost had to shank a radiation oncologist myself 13 years ago. Enough is enough.

Farewell to Bev and long may her silly spirit live in you and your girls.

Southern Gal said...

Humor helps us through the pain especially when it's a part of who we are. I laughed with you reading it here!