February 17, 2012

Misled by my dreams.

Some, of you are under the impression that I am mostly normal, as well as mostly perfect. And I can understand why....that is the persona that I throw out there.

I hate to break any of those ideas, because they are mostly true. But if I were to be an honest person, which is not a fun person, those ideas are not true. Mostly fiction.  I am not really normal, but in my eyes...that's just perfect. I haven't met a normal person that I liked in forever.

 Me, contemplating deep "what are we having for lunch today and does my butt look bigger today than yesterday?"

Two facts you might not know about me: I always sleep with at least ONE ear plugged and I love chewing sugar free gum during my waking hours.
If I am without a pack of gum, someone will die.

Those two little facts are this entire post.

The ear plugs are for plugging the sound other sleepers. I refer to the ear plugs as marriage savers.
Some nights I sleep with both ears just depends on, well, you know,  how sensitive my hearing is on each particular night.

So, the other night I had a dream that I was craving gum so was like a addict going through meth withdrawals. {I learn this stuff from watching "Intervention"}

In my dream, I found the perfect piece of gum and I plopped it into my mouth. Oh, relief. Joy. Happiness. Pure bliss.

do you know where I am going with this?

Yeah, I pulled out a freakin' ear plug and PUT IT INTO MY MOUTH!

Yes, I was in a deep sleep and YES, this woke me up immediately.

I said to myself: Ewwww.....ear wax!

How weird is that?
Good thing I don't sleep with that can of mace anymore.

This is a lesson that I plan on learning from. I'll remember to never have any of the following near me while I sleep:
laxatives, rat poison, hand grenades, raw eggs, oreos, broken glass, rocks, newborn babies....
Oh, wait, that list will be endless!

Wow, after reading this again, I will be quite embarrassed if I am the only one who has done this. Please tell me that YOU have also mistaken an ear plug for sugarless gum!

FYI: ear wax tastes just as bad as you might imagine. gag.


Mark said...

I finally understand what people mean when they call someone a Hot-Mess.
Thank you for that!
Bon Appetit!

Anonymous said...

Oh my! What a quick way to wake up! Hope you have a great weekend.

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh, Suz, you are too funny! You are absolutely perfect in my book!

Terra said...

um, yeah...Nope - Can't say that I have. I don't have any ear plugs...but I can tell you this is hilarious and I am glad you shared!

Anke said...

Sorry to disappoint, but I don't even own any earplugs. :-)

Dawn said...

suz, you are a beautiful mess. xoxo
and now i am feeling extremely guilty for forgetting to put the gum back in YOUR purse the last time we went out.

maybe marshamllows instead of ear plugs tonite? and the sweet will overpower the... wax?

Jill said...

Oh my gosh! I am literally laughing out loud! Thank you for sharing this and making me smile today!

Wondering if they might sell edible ear plugs...seems they do it with a lot of other products. ;)

Gary's third pottery blog said...

schweet photo of you, I bet it was your vacation in the mountains last summer?

Unknown said...

I also sometimes sleep with earplugs, and I almost always lose one during the night. But I find it in the bed, not in my mouth. That must have been a nasty shock! (Not as nasty as sending a #@$%&* email to a Buddhist guru, though.)

You are perfect just the way you are.

I Am Woody said...

Girl, you have a FINE back porch ;)

George said...

I'm afraid I can't say that I've ever popped an ear plug into my mouth, but I bet you woke up quickly. Now I know why I like visiting your blog so much -- I, too, love chewing sugar free gum during my waking hours.

Have a great weekend.

Stephanie said...

LOL No I have not done this, but this is a great reminder to go out and get myself a new pair of marriage savers. Hubby was "asked" to go sleep in the spare room last night:)

NCmountainwoman said...

No ear plugs for me. I don't even like my iPod ear pieces so I wear big headphones that look really dorky!

I cannot chew gum because I can't help "cracking" and "popping" it.

Perhaps a mouth guard might prevent you from sticking anything else in our mouth. Your dentist can make a custom one that fits your teeth perfectly.

Betsy Banks Adams said...

Oh you are so funny.... I am sure many of us have mistaken an ear plug for some sugarless gum...... SURE we have!!!!!! ha ha ha ha.....

I don't sleep with earplugs and I don't chew gum... SO--guess I don't have that particular problem (although I have plenty of others which you probably do NOT have--such as my burning feet... YUK!!)

Cute post. You are the greatest... Love you!!!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Good thing I'm only a sugarless gum addict (Orbit Cinnamint) and not a earplug wearer!

Sugarplum Creations Blog said...

Oh Suz, you made me crack up! I'm sorry about the ear plug mishap. I don't wear them, so I think I'm safe. I am not normal in other ways, though. I'm actually quite strange.

Claudia from Idiot's Kitchen said...

This cracks me up. Do you remember when the Harry Potter movies first came out and Jelly Belly made all those gross flavors including Ear Wax? How do I know this odd fact? Hmmmmm....

jlo said...

Heh, heh, heh! Could have been worse, right? I'm sure your ear wax is perfect! ;)

M said...

Gahck! Good thing that wasn't me...I always swallow my gum!

Janie said...

Ha, ha. No, you are not normal, and I'm glad! YOu're much funnier as an abby-normal person.
Nope, I've never chewed an earplut. I don't think I'll try it.

Liz Mays said...

No ma'am. I have not done that. You are so alone here. So alone.


Clippy Mat said...

I've put gum in my ears before.
Does that count?
You are completely not normal. Just like me.
and that's why I like you.

Rebecca Foster said...

I literally laughed out loud reading this! You are hilarious. I love what you said about perfect people-- what a perfect way to describe it. I am glad I am not perfect either, that is entirely too much trouble. :)

Gum rules!

People Who Know Me Would Say: said...

Raucous laughter here, Suz!

Jenny said...

I think you're perfectly perfect! With a tiny butt, too!