Pages

September 23, 2011

I'm Just Not That Talented.



I'm not afraid of Muslims, tea partiers, socialists, immigrants gun owners or gay people....But I am kinda scared of spiders.   ~ Random magnet found in Vegas


Truthfully, I am terrified of *large spiders. They can actually cause me to have a conniption fit, a hissy fit and a seizure at the same time. 
A sight worthy of you-tube's greatest hits. 
And surprisingly it is also a good cardio workout for me. 


*large is defined as my thumb nail and bigger.




A funny moment that happened yesterday, and since it happened in the bathroom, it is worthy of sharing with you, my close and personal friends. 


I went into my bathroom and I piddled. Like I do. Don't act like you don't.
 When I went to flush, I noticed a smallish spider in the toilet. 


Three thoughts went through my head; in this order:


1. Oh my Buddha, I pee'd a spider!!! 


2. I wonder if Web MD has any information on this.


3. Oh, duh, I forgot I snapped him up earlier and sacrificed him to the porcelain Gods.


Yeah, I always go with the reasonable thoughts first. 


Aren't you glad I included the links to my fits? Just in case you didn't know what they were, I think hissy fit might be a southern thang. And it really looks the same as a conniption, but with a sweet accent as I am screaming my head off. 



I hope you all have a lovely weekend minus any fits or spiders. 
We have our homecoming dance on Saturday! I am so excited!! Oh, wait, never mind....I'm not going. 
Again.
Snap.




xoxoxo





21 comments:

  1. A spider in the shower will send me to another bathroom to shower for weeks, I hate to think what a spider in toilet would do to me....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh man, you crack me up! Piddling spiders....

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Pee'd a spider"? Seriously Suz? As if I didn't have enough reasons to stay away from Vaginas.
    m.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That magnet is perfect! Except for me it would have to say snakes instead of spiders. Seeing them around here every once in a while makes me not only want to have a hissy fit, but also curl up into the fetal position.

    ReplyDelete
  5. cracking me up! as usual. you are the best kind of friend to have... one who makes me laugh :) {and i just have to tell you someone is interrupting this comment by calling me- you don't even need 3 guesses!}

    you are not going to the dance? i heard they need more chaperones!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Spiders are one reason to get married. It should have been part of my vows. Some of our most emotional shared moments have been courtesy of a spider sighting, me shrieking and The Source swooping in with a rolled up magazine or paper towel.

    I'm looking forward to seeing the Homecoming photos!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. We used to get these HUGE hairy spiders in our house during the spring. I HATED them. Pretty much had to watch my step in the kitchen every morning to make sure there weren't any hairy monsters. Just thinking about that makes me have chill bumps all over. ICK. Not a fan of the bugs. I am not a catch and release sort of girl...I'm more of a squash and toss chick. : )

    ReplyDelete
  8. Here is a gross version, but true, of the same story and how it played out in our house:


    When one of my boys was potty training, he pooed. I went to help him with his hygiene, and when I saw what was in the toilet, I said, "Holy cow!" My son jumped up terrified and cried out, "A cow came out of me??!!" and ran terrified from the bathroom.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm just glad he was not a jumping spider!

    Enjoy the weekend and yes, we will need to see Homecoming pics!

    ReplyDelete
  10. No one in our family likes spiders, but it's snakes that bother me the most. Katie was NOT afraid of snakes, and would even handle them (*shudder*), but she would shriek if she saw even a little spider.
    In the autumn, we have awfully big, brown, juicy spiders here. ICK. But you have huge snakes all year, so there you go.
    I hope homecoming is a blast for "whoever" is going. Maybe you & Coach could go on a date of your own while those young'uns are dancing.
    I love that you said "piddle." You are too funny! Have a great weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  11. He was dead, right? He wasn't still fighting for life? It's kinda fun to piddle on them when they're alive, you know. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. OMG, Suz, you are just too much!

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who throws them in the toilet after picking them up. However, I immediately flush, lest they manage to get to the side of the bowl and crawl their way back out. Ick!! I know, though, that YOU would never waste water like that. I wish I could be the Queen of Green, but it seems most days, I'm not even a princess... :(

    Yay, homecoming!! I can't wait to see the pictures. Sorry you're not going, but I think you and Coach should make it a Date Night. If you do, you'd better post some pictures of THAT, too!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Better to piddle a spider than to be bit by one - - down there! Florida has some ginormous spiders - - - are they called banana spiders? I remember the first time I saw one when we lived in Tarpon Springs - - - - I was paralyzed by fear. Like you, I still don't like them.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Me too on the spider thing, but I define large as one I can see.

    I had an incident similar to yours. I was sitting in the bath when I felt a drop of water running down my back. IT WASN'T WATER...IT WAS A SPIDER. Needless to say I jumped out and let the spider take the tub.

    Can't believe they wouldn't let you go to Homecoming.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm from California and we have hissy fits, too!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Well there was that old woman who swallowed a spider and she musta pooped it out. So perhaps that's what really happened Suz??
    :D

    ReplyDelete
  17. EEEEEK! i dont like spiders and snakes... as the song says.. my phobia is worms n snakes and anything that crawls like a worm. i will have a stroke if one came after me. i dont like spiders but i dont have a conniption. diane gets a cup to save the lil bastids and sets them free outside. i always tell her, they are just gonna reproduce and bring the new "fam" back in wiff 'em... just kill it!! but she wont. she said they eat mosquittos. eyyy mo, worms askeeeer me so much!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Spiders are cool.

    As long as they're in a jar.

    With a tight lid.

    Dead.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I would feel better about spiders if I knew where they were at all times and we had a contract that they would never, ever try to climb on me. But, they just pop up! And run! Don't get me started on jumping spiders..ugh.

    Glad your toilet spider didn't jump on you!!!

    ReplyDelete

You read it, now share your thoughts.