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February 22, 2010

Drink MY Kool Aid!!

I have an unhealthy fascination with cults.

Please, don’t hold this against me.

I read about them. I watch documentaries on them.

It is weird, I know.

You see…I was never a part of any group.

NEVER.

So, for me, a cult would have been perfect. Or a death sentence. The outcome would have been a toss-up.

I would have been the perfect person to have been picked up at the airport by the hari krishnas.

x16243244

Seriously.

But luckily my Mom was not late that day at the airport.

I am pretty sure I was the type of person they prayed on. Someone eager to belong.

I am so happy I avoided that catastrophe. I am for certain that I have an oddly shaped head and would not look attractive bald. Not even a little bit.

There is still that Avon cult trying to get me to join.

And the Mon* a*Vie people. whew. Don't even get me started...

They are ruthless. Beware.

I am going to come up with my own Cult.

Feel free to join, but I have rules…some mandates for you.

Prepare yourself.

Take pride. Clean up your yard. It does not have to be pristine. BUT a lingering old tire will result in banishment.

Be responsible. Keep your pets safe and fed. Above all, get them neutered. Litters of puppies and kittens will get you locked up in the big house for life. And by big house, I mean the POUND.

Teach manners. Teach your children to not laugh at the expense of others …and to speak up for the underdog. They can however laugh at their Mom when she dances in the kitchen. Moms expect that.

Live within your means. Anyone buying a home or car they can’t afford will have to clean my house for eternity. You don’t want that.

Recycle. Anyone caught throwing away recyclables will be banned to swim in the great swirl of garbage in the ocean. With no floaties, not even a hot pink noodle.

plastic_ocean_trash

Be appropriate. PJs are ok for a drive thru, but not inside an actual store/restaurant. Remember though…cars run out of gas and tires do flatten.

Be courteous…to everyone, especially your elders.

Did I miss anything???

Are you signing up?

A free Busy Bee cult t-shirt to the first 20 members.

28 comments:

  1. I WANNA JOIN! Am I first???????????????????????????????????

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  2. I am SO in your cult. Because of you, I am hyper aware of recycling now. The other day at our courtroom one of the mothers went to throw out a soda can. I was sitting about 10 feet away at the desk. My heart started pounding. Her hand was just about to release the can into the trash and I screamed out. STOP, we recycle here! All of the waiting parties looked over at me like an idiot! : ) Oh well.

    Thank you for making me sound like an idiot.

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  3. I so want to be part of your cult, but you're a tough guru. Could I maybe compensate for throwing away recyclables by putting on a facade of total devotion? I'm really good at facades even though I don't have the little squiggly tail on the c. Well, I don't have any kind of little squiggly tail anywhere.

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  4. First I have to know...is there head shaving involved?

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  5. Can I bring my tambourine?
    Well, I don't have one, but it would be good to have one just in case.

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  6. I don't believe in recycling, so I'm out.

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  7. I love your rules! But I'm not a good follower/joiner. Can I be an independent drop-in?
    Love your world-view, Suz!

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  8. you know... when i drive laura to school i make sure to carry my phone. just in case my tire does flatten or there is perhaps a fender bender. because i am not getting out of my car in my jammies! my plan is that i will call eric and he will come save me. of course, he'll have to listen to his friends razz him about how his wife looks in the early morning!

    and i think... that i will just admire your cult from afar. maybe once i have perfected my recycling skills i will sign up. but the punishment is to stiff if i should fail...

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  9. Oh, yes, yes, YES! I must be a part of this!! Actually, I just want the T-shirt....

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  10. I'm in because I fear that you will take away my hot pink noodle.

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  11. Thanks for the reminders. I compost and do some recycling but I admit I could do more.

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  12. Does the 'Be Courteous' include driving and using a cell phone? If not, then you need to include 'Don't Drive Like an Idiot' and 'Don't Use Your Cell Phone Where You Will Annoy Other People' :)

    Your list is a great set of rules to live by - I'm in!

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  13. Hey...thanks for being my newest follower! Now ya got me following you around for life :P
    What I wanna know is what's in the Kool Aid.....hmmmmm
    And the answer to Jenny's wanttoknow..
    Oh, go see my other blog when ya have a minute lifesoverhaul.blogspot.com

    see ya yesterday!
    ~Vicki~

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  14. Count me in! ;)
    I actually took a cult class in college, it was fascinating!

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  15. Size L for my t-shirt please.
    and I think PINK would be the best colour.
    ;-)

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  16. Your cult sounds awesome. Sign me up! I don't need a T-shirt, though, as I am currently shrinking and it won't fit for long.

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  17. Sign me up!!!
    Any cult headed by Busy Bee Suz has to be a blast. I promise to be very considerate to my elders (if I can find anyone who is my elder!).

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  18. yeah, of course i'm in - am i allowed? i don't have kids! :-o

    i still teach my virgin dogs all the good manners n'stuff. Yeah.

    you forgot one thing... treat all living creatures with respect, man is NOT the supreme being on this planet!

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  19. Suz, you crack me up...sign me up for sure!!!

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  20. Buzy Bee cult? I am so drinking that kool-aid.

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  21. Oh my Dog!!! I better be comment #19 or #20!!! I wanna be in the cult and I wanna Busy Bizzle Tshirt. I even cleaned up my potty mouth and reduced my cussin' and swearin', remember!????

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  22. Before yours was a cult, its predecessor was indeed a club, whose members forgot the rules once they'd taught them to their children.

    I'd like to be a founding mother of your cult, by being grandmothered in.

    And one of the rules should be amended: PJs are ok for a drive thru. Honey, PJ is okay anywhere!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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  23. i'm in! i will follow all the rules. and if i fall, i will NOT swim in the garbage of oceans. i cannot be in water i cannot see the bottom of.

    thats jus me.

    lol.

    c

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  24. Harriet and I want the T-shirt!!!

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  25. Too late to be an "official" member, but I do follow all the rules and will be a honorary member of your cult.

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  26. Oh, I missed the top 20! Rats! I would love to be in your cult; we would have so much fun.

    I agree with all of these rules. However, certain amounts of inappropriate behavior in the appropriate situations can be a whole lotta fun. Right, Suz?

    PS-I am getting very excited because I'm coming up on the Designer Blogs queue! And then I'll be as cool as you. Well, almost.

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  27. sign me up! i know i'm too late for a tee shirt. but it's OK. I have a "Recycling Queen" shirt I can wear to the meetings.
    <><

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